Tuesday, October 4, 2011

not perfect

I have had full intention of blogging this month, pretty much everyday it has crossed my mind. The good stuff, the bad stuff and the ugly stuff... Since this whole blogging experience started, I feel like my life is in the fast lane and I just can't seem to slow it down.

This blog has turned into my activity planner instead of a place I can sit back and reflect and share some laughs with you all. But when I am rushing to just post something it is hard to get to the part of how I am actually feelings and what thoughts are actually crossing my mind. So now I have a little time and I need to get somethings out!

The worst news I have received lately, that weighs heavy on my heart, is the fact that my grandma has been diagnosed with lymphoma. My Nana is the only living grandparent I still have and to be honest, after she made it through loosing the love of her life, I never thought anything else could slow her down. They say that older spouses usually pass on in a close period of time. So after the 6 month and then the year of my grandfather being gone, I realized even more that she was the strongest lady I have ever known. I'm praying everyday that she can overcome this. They are not sure of treatment yet but I will keep you posted. Three weeks ago she shopped all day with my Aunt around Nashville, today, she can barely walk across the parking lot to go into the doctors office. The part that scares me is when is the time that you just give up? She has seen 2 out 4 grand kids get married and now has 3 great grand kids. She lives at least 2 hours from family in their old house out in the country. I pray that she is not giving up and God is giving her the strength inside that she so desperately needs.
My Nana is definitely one of a kind. She still has dark hair even with her older age, she is a little lady in height and even less in weight. Flipping through child hood memories she is in EVERY one of them. She made us Santa's for Christmas decorations, made angels for the tree, Easter bunny baskets for us to put our eggs in. She is the best cook I have ever known and I can't remember one time (even to this day) that she hasn't brought a TON of desserts to a family function and had little dogie bags already packed for us to take back with us. She made it to everyone one of my proms, my high school graduation, my college graduation, and any school/church play I ever did. My cousins, brother and I would go to her house to play outside in the barn, get dirty or go in the house and play cards and laugh all night. She was always the cool grandma who stayed up late. I can't imagine what I would do without her and I already regret ever taking her for granted. Please say a prayer for her as much as you can!

My mom moved this past weekend. I guess part of growing up is realizing that family comes first and even if it meant spending my birthday packing boxes and unloading cars, there is a time when you have to let go of what you want and help others (especially your family) Due to my mom's MS the idea of her trying to do all that alone scared my brother and I so we had to rush over. We walked in Friday and realized she had not packed a single box. I immediately got overwhelmed and I think my brother almost had an anxiety attack. Luckily, my brother is a classified mover because he has done it so many times and he went into a full force tornado and had it looking pretty good once we left Sunday night.
Half way through the day Sunday I became overwhelmed, tired and just over it. I was grouchy to say the least and started to take it out on everyone. I called my best friend and after she gave me the uplifting words I needed, I went back in the house and finished helping. After the last load we went to the car to go eat. Since we had a total of 3 vehicles there, we were all split up. My 8 year old nephew chose to ride with me, even though my brother (his favorite) wasn't. It blessed my heart over and over. The whole ride there, I just kept thanking God that he had put such a special little man in my life. He is so smart and such as good kid even with all he has been through. He talked the whole way back to the house and then to eat. That right there, made my whole birthday!!

Through life I hope to be more and more thankful for the little things. For the nice gestures from a stranger, your best friend being there for you, your nephew choosing to ride with you when he has the pick of the family, receiving texts from my dad just to let me know how much he misses me, keepsakes made from the hands of a loving grandmother or a Saturday night where my brother just brings over pizza and we watch Modern Family.

"I am not perfect. My life is not perfect. My family is not perfect. My friends aren't perfect. But all of it together is PERFECT FOR ME!! "

Have a blessed and thankful day!!


  1. I came across your blog today and first, I was struck by how amazingly cute your blog is! And then I started to read, and felt an instant connection with you. The pain of losing grandparents is tough, especially if you're from a close-knit family. Know that you and your grandma are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm thankful I found your blog :)




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